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Saturday, March 2, 2013

What is it to serve? To give? And what does that look like for me?

It's been 48 hours since I landed in Portland after my weeklong trip to California.  My life changing trip with 200+ photographers, who are more than just well sought after artists.  48 hours and I still cannot begin to process.  I cannot begin to put into words all the things that were stirred through speaking sessions, through late night chats, through dinner conversations when you are called to the mat and your soul is shed of all that covers.  Unable to hide your true raw emotions. You look away. Try to hide the struggle. The confusion of all that is within.  You look away and smile.  Perhaps they will see you are just a happy girl whose business is thriving.  Perhaps they won't want to dig in to what is deeper laid. To what burdens that success cannot comfort. {Don't get me wrong.  I am happy and fulfilled but one can't help but question themselves when stuck between two worlds}
I'm still not able to speak of what all happened to my heart but I am able to say this:

"Real change is a struggle.  Not one decision. But a lifetime of work.  Of service. Of devotion.  Of loosing one self to give to another.  And it is never just one but many.  United. Each one laying their particular gifts at the table.  Together united to serve."

David J articulates so well what Josh's and my purpose has been for now almost 10 years.  We joined Village Missions to give of ourselves to small rural country churches.  And years later life circumstances landed us with Imago Dei Photography.  And me working full time. We found that God was in this.  In the choosing of this career that neither of us saw me in.  ever.  Of course I had hoped.  But always in a much smaller scale. In 2006 we found this was where God chose me to give of myself.  We found that God worked, for me, to give myself in another way than what we had originally expected.

This is difficult to explain.  At times I feel that it's hard to feel accepted.  Among other ministries. {and if I can just be real for a second, among other ministry wives.  Other ministry professionals} Sometimes it's hard to feel understood as a pastor's wife whose ministry is outside the church.  Outside of the home.....  It's difficult when I wonder if my work actually makes a difference.  And yet this week I was reminded that THIS is where God has placed me.

To touch lives with a camera.  To serve others with the release of a shutter.  This week my passion was reignited.  This week I felt connected.  To my gifting.  To my calling.  To my God given trade.  This week I felt inspired to go back to the beginning and what GOD started.  To trust Him.  Trust that He is using my hands.  My eyes.  My camera.  To tell stories, to change lives.  And above all to bring Him glory with each frame, with each hug, with each story the image tells, with each memory I can preserve for a client.  But more than that with each life touched. With each client interaction.

It may not be life changing in the grand scheme of things. But maybe it is. And maybe if I were just to fully release and let go.  Maybe if I were to just rest in the freedom and the fact that {without a shadow of a doubt} where God has me.  To serve.  To give.  To lay my gifts at the table and to give it my all.  Because it's not about me.  I believe He has a big picture plan, in which each of us play our individual, yet important roles.  Each of us is called to something.  I want to be faithful in my calling.  Remembering it's not about me but about who He is and what He has called me to.  


  1. Xiomara,
    Yeah for God's ways being so far above (aka different from) our ways! His ability to use us to touch others isn't limited to traditional "ministry" job descriptions... and that's a wonderful thing!! Keep serving Him the way He has called and gifted you!! :-)

  2. This is so beautifully written!! Love that we got to share in this experience together!!

  3. Kris, I wholeheartedly agree and yet I confess that I struggle with it..... don't we all just need to learn to fully trust! :) Thank you for your encouragement! That means so much to me!

  4. I truly believer United would have been entirely different without you there with me Sabrina. I'm so thankful for you!!!

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